


What a Wonderful Animosity

by s7nnyflowers



Series: Ow in O.W.C.A. [1]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: ASL, Alternate Universe - Human, Deaf Character, F/M, Fluff, Human AU, M/M, Sign Language, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, mute character, setting up the AU in this fic, this is my own take on human owca and i hope people like it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 04:21:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7743181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s7nnyflowers/pseuds/s7nnyflowers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During his time of being life long nemeses with Heinz Doofenshmirtz Agent Platypus has begun to grow affection for the man. However, when Dr. Doofenshmirtz "falls in love" with an evil lady are Perry's repressed feelings going to remain that way forever? The first few chapters take place before during and after the episode "Chez Platypus" I hope you all enjoy!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tongue Tied

Perry stood in his downstairs bathroom and rubbed a fresh towel over his face and hair, both to dry off and to wake up. Wiping the layer of steam off of his mirror, Perry looked at himself and ran his tongue over his teeth. He pulled on a black tank top and a pair of yellow orange checkered boxers. The Australian man gently hit his face with his hands to fully wake up. Pushing back his teal hair, he pulled out a comb to tame it more easily. Perry pulled his teal pinstripe button-up shirt over his arms and navy slacks over his legs

He grabbed his checkered gold belt and looped it around his pants before buckling it. He buttoned up his shirt and looked in the mirror at himself. The Australian man's skin was dark only disturbed by some scarring on his body and the tattoos he had. He rolled up the sleeves His teal hair was well manageable when it decided to be and kept from frizzing if he gelled it right. He had a gold stud earring on his left ear. After straightening his tie, he turned off the bathroom light and walked his boxers and towel to the washing machine. Perry placed his laundry in the hamper next to the machine carefully. On the front of the hamper there was a crudely drawn picture of his face that the boys had made for his second anniversary in the house. Once he got the last of his things ready for the day, Perry walked over to his nightstand and put his communicationizer on his wrist. He turned it on and the O.W.C.A. logo appeared on it’s face.

Perry had been renting out the basement space in the Flynn-Fletcher house for four or five years now. Despite their landlord to rentee relationship, the kind Flynn-Fletchers invited him into their family. Perry didn’t know many people who would do that for a stranger. To say the least, it was nice. When he opened up a drawer on his nightstand, he pulled out two armored, black gloves. He pushed them deep into his pockets along with his cell phone. After a moment he began to walk up the stairs, holding onto the railing. 

As Perry swung open the door Linda was standing at the sink washing dishes from breakfast that morning, “Oh, there you are Perry.”

Perry smiled and brought his hand up to his mouth and then back down, stopping over his heart, _Good morning._

Linda returned her attention back to the chore at hand, “I’m going to the store later if you want to add something to the list.” Perry looked over the list briefly. **Laundry detergent, milk, eggs** just normal items.

Picking up the pen, he wrote down **jello, and present for the kids.** After the jello monster in the backyard(that he would deny seeing to O.W.C.A.) Candace and the boys deserved a little extra something. He put down the pen and walked into the TV room. Perry sat on the sofa that faced the TV and leaned into the slightly flattened cushions. Once he found his groove in the couch he pulled his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it. There was a new text notification from Vanessa.

**Do you think you can drive to Charlene’s instead of library? Closer to evil inc :^)**

Perry thought for a moment, it couldn’t be earlier than 11:30 right now.

Linda and Lawrence walked past Perry, “Perry, we’re heading out.” Turning to the Flynn-Fletchers, he offered them a cheery smile and held up a thumbs up.

After he waved them goodbye, Perry quickly typed, **B out there in 10.**

* * *

Perry swung the door to his disguised rocket car closed and walked up to Charlene’s front door. Her house was large and appeared modern. The staircase to her door was surprisingly long for a porch. Still, they were manageable. Perry had been to Charlene’s before now, so he was aware of what to expect. It was all very orderly and modern. The house had three floors including the basement. Perry wasn’t entirely sure how Charlene had so much income, but it was impressive. Taking in the wide, yellow, door he rang the bell only once and stood patiently. The secret agent rocked on his feet. He had been tutoring Vanessa in ASL for almost the entire summer at this point.

She was a very good student. Her father was fairly skilled in understanding ASL but he was not very good at signing himself. Heinz liked to practice his ASL with Perry, sometimes asking if he could stay late to do so. Perry greatly appreciated the effort despite the signing sometimes being god awful. The two often understood one and other without sign language. Heinz was aware the Perry was mute, not deaf, but he still wanted to be able to sign and not just understand. Always eager to learn, especially when it could better his nemesis.

Perry was startled when Charlene opened the front door abruptly, “Mr. Platts, nice to see you again. How’ve you been?” Smiling, he held a thumbs up.

“Is that Perry?” Perry relaxed a bit more when he heard Vanessa’s voice. He didn’t dislike Charlene, in fact he admired her independence and loved her style, she just made him feel a bit uncomfortable. She was, in the nicest way possible, painfully boring. Clearly a woman who had a small social circle and held it tight.

Vanessa sped over to the doorway and smiled, “Hey, Perry. Come on in, I set up some snacks.” She waved him in.

Perry looked up at Charlene and offered her another smile before sliding in the doorway past her awkwardly. The Doofenshmirtz’s were all unfairly taller than him, Perry only standing at 5' 6" on a good day. Perry saw a large bowl of pretzels sitting on the table where Vanessa was already sitting.

“Sorry for having to relocate the session last minute, Perry.” Vanessa said picking up a bargain brand pretzel and eating it, “I just really didn’t want to walk to the library.”

Shaking his head, he brought his pinky up to his chest beginning to sign, _I could have driven you._

Vanessa rose a skeptical eyebrow at him, “That’s really out of your way,” she said doing her best to sign along with her words, “much easier to just come to my house.” She paused letting her hands play catch up with her words, “Do you always have to spell out names?” Noiselessly chuckling, Perry shook his head, he held both hands out with extended fingers and moved them into fists on top of each other. Vanessa bit her lip and raised her hands and shoulders, “What?” she asked along with the sign. 

Perry snorted, now that was something Heinz had done to him before. Perry thought for a moment about how to explain the sign and then pulled out his phone. He hastily unlocked the screen and typed out the word. He then gave her the phone and did the sign again.

Vanessa looked down at the phone and read aloud, “Abbreviate, oh.”

Perry held two thumbs up and smiled. The punk teenager allowed the corner of her mouth to twitch as she held up a thumbs up as well. She did the sign a few times over for practice. Despite Vanessa not thinking so, she really was like her father. She put her best foot forward no matter what the task at hand actually was. Perry smiled and looked down at his communicationizer, wondering what today’s inator would be. Perry traced along the face of the device with his fingertip.

“Uh, Perry?” Perry looked up at Vanessa, “Were you even listening?” She asked quietly.

Perry smirked and mouthed along with the sign, _What?_ Mocking Vanessa’s previous actions and making her laugh and kick Perry’s chair. 

Looking at him, Vanessa responded, “I asked you if I was doing it right.” Blinking and nodding once, he ran his thumb over the face of the communicationizer absent mindedly. Vanessa looked down at Perry’s communicationizer, “Perry,” Perry gave her his full attention, “are you okay?” She asked slowly.

Now that had caught Perry off guard, he gave her another brief nod. Vanessa looked past Perry at the clock on the wall. It was 12:17 in the afternoon, she looked down at the communicationizer again and smiled.

Taking another pretzel out of the bowl and waving it through the air, she said smugly, “You know the phrase, ‘evil never sleeps,’ doesn’t apply to you until between three thirty and four right?”

Perry blinked and pointed a finger at her before bringing his index finger up to his forehead.

Vanessa covered her mouth while eating and talking, “Does dad have something particularly evil planned today?” She asked nonchalantly. Based on what Heinz had done in the past that was a definite no. So, Perry shook his head and finally took a pretzel from the bowl. “Then what’s the deal?” Perry ate the salty snack and shrugged.

Vanessa raised a skeptical eyebrow and scanned Perry. Sure, she wasn’t as perceptive as an agent but as far as teenage girls went she was a prodigy. If she wanted to Perry was sure she would make O.W.C.A. a great Agent. Perry rolled the thought around in his head, Agent Vulture? No. Agent Viper? Smiling to himself he knew viper would be perfect for her. He looked down at his communicationizer, Heinz would be an Ocelot. He had to be, he was literally raised by the Central American wild cats. Thinking about how Heinz was able to recall those memories with a smile on his face made him smile in return. Perry admired that quality in Heinz.

“Perry!” Snapping her fingers, she forced Perry to look up at her. Vanessa crossed her legs, her knee high boots squeaked as she did, “Okay, so we’re doing this then. What is wrong?”

Shaking his head and making a zero with his right hand and opening it he signed, _Nothing!_

Her face became more stern, “You better tell me.” She warned and Perry smirked. Thinking for a second, she reciprocated the smirk, “I’m gonna tell mom that you’re Agent Platypus.”

Perry pointed his index finger at Vanessa and shook his head. Smiling, he leaned into his chair comfortably.

Vanessa raised an eyebrow, “You don’t think so?” Perry nodded at her. Cupping her hands around her mouth, she shouted, “Mom!”

Charlene’s feet could be heard above them and Perry inhaled sharply as he held up both hands and shook them mouthing the word, _No._

Vanessa smiled and yelled, “Nevermind, we’re good!” Listening closely, he heard Charlene stop walking and begin walking back to the room she was in upstairs.

Perry relaxed again and then shot Vanessa a quick glare before signing, _Bully._

The goth teen laughed at that as Perry looked down at his communicationizer and slid it off his wrist. He flipped it so it’s face was on the table. He then pulled at the top of his vest and pulled out something tiny and black. He adjusted his hand so it was in between his thumb and index finger as he flicked it across the room.

Vanessa blinked and watched it as it hit the floor, “So,” she looked back up at Perry, “it’s serious then?”

Perry held his dominant hand out flat and wiggled it. He began to sign, _It’s not that serious but it could put my career at O.W.C.A. in jeopardy._ Vanessa quietly mumbled a few things he was signing to herself as he went on.

“Career threatening is serious, Perry.” Vanessa said.

Shrugging, he signed, _I could get fired from O.W.C.A. if I stole a pen._ He joked, _This is kind of serious I guess. So, I need you to keep it a secret okay?_

She nodded, scooting closer to the table, “Promise.”

Perry nodded and thought about how he was going to do this. He bit his bottom lip and held his pinky up to his chest. He then formed a fist, pointing his index finger and thumb out and touching them to his chin. Blinking twice, Vanessa shook her head. Perry took a deep breath. Of course she didn’t know that sign. Holding his pinky up to his chest again and began to sign, _I was going to wait to tell you this until I taught you the sign._ He decided it would be best if he spelled out the word, _I am G-A-Y._ He made a fist and brought the his finger and thumb up to his chin again.

She took a moment to understand. A wide grin grew on Vanessa’s face, “Really? You’re...? But, and O.W.C.A. could fire you for that?! What do they care who-”

Perry shushed her waving his hands through the air with a soundless laugh, _No they won’t._ He quickly signed, _That’s not the secret. That’s not even a secret._

Smiling, she bounced in her seat, “Then tell me.” Vanessa was now clearly excited for the secret.

He decided it would be good to go slowly when signing for Vanessa. Taking a deep breath, he felt a wave of unwelcome shame to darken his cheeks, _Do you know about Agent Panda?_ It was of course a touchy topic but he had to ask.

Vanessa gave him a inquisitive look, "I don't know what that means?"

Perry slowly finger spelled, _A-G-E-N-T P-A-N-D-A._ Vanessa's eyes ignited with interest. She probably didn't know much about the Agency so this little bit of insight excited her. She shook her head and Perry held up two thumbs up. _Long story short, your father was going to have me replaced with Agent Panda and it didn’t end up happening._ Vanessa nodded, _And during that time of not being your dad’s nemesis I was fine._

Perry stopped signing for a moment and Vanessa looked up at Perry, “I’m comprehending but not understanding?” She said, hoping that what she said made sense. Taking a shallow breath, Perry nodded.

He began again, _I really wasn’t all that fine._ He signed slowly, _I like being your father’s nemesis. More than I’d like to admit._ Glancing at his communicationizer Perry signed, _More than like._ Perry smiled, a little bit of guilt spilling onto his face, _I have a crush on Dr. D, V._

Waiting for him to stop, Vanessa cautiously asked, “This,” she laid her left hand flat and put her right index finger over her lips, bringing it down to her flat left hand, “what does it mean?” she asked nervously.

Perry smiled and began to spell, _C-R-U-S-_ before he could finish spelling Vanessa put her hands over her mouth. She bounced in her chair a few times gleefully.

“Oh, Perry!” She said happily, “I promise I’m not going to tell anyone, you can trust me.”

Perry smiled meekly, _Thank you._

Vanessa smiled at Perry, “So-oo...You want some advice?” She asked, her fingers typing away furiously on her phone.

* * *

The cheery android's eyes lit up with the quiet scampering of the squirrel in his chest. He awoke inside of his small room and looked around, his eyes illuminated the small quarters. His eyes shone green for a moment.

“Wow!” Norm said in his boisterous and cheery voice, “Now that is some spicy gossip.”

_**END OF CHAPTER** _


	2. Like Like

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission is assigned to destroy the delovenator and Heinz embarks on a date. However will a bad set of circumstances turn worse when Dr. Doofenshmirtz finds his other half. If you do not want a recap of the episode "Chez Platypus" please look in the end notes where to skip to!

After sneaking away from the Flynn-Fletcher's, Perry was able to get his mission a little later in the day, he had been told that Doofenshmirtz was using satellite technology with his latest inator. It wasn't a requirement for him to be at Evil Incorporated until the evening, but he still left shortly after the report. Perry couldn’t help but think back to whatever impulse drove him to tell Vanessa his secret; of course if she knew about him being Agent Platypus it couldn’t be very harmful to let her know about a tiny crush.

Still, it made him a bit on edge to think about. When he got to Heinz’s deluxe apartment he attempted to pick his lock to no avail. Perry ended up getting annoyed with his reinforced lock and kicked a hole through Heinz’s door. All that did though, was get his foot stuck in the door.

“Oh, Agent Platypus,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz greeted, “You must have noticed how I reinforced the locks,” Heinz pulled the door open forcing Perry to hobble along with it, “but, you know, not the door.” Worriedly, he walked behind Perry and hooked his arms under Perry’s, “Well, let’s just get out of your-” Doofenshmirtz pulled Perry as hard as he could once, then twice, “You’re really _trapped_ in here, just...” Heinz smiled and let go of Perry, “Just like I planned. Obviously.”

The agent took a moment to regain his footing on the ground as Dr. Doofenshmirtz proceeded to explain why happy couples and romance were something that disgusted him. In spite of the mission at hand Perry couldn’t help but feel his insides turn to lead during his rambling. His love life couldn’t have been so bad in the past, could it have? Doofenshmirtz introduced the Deloveantor satellite and explained that it would destroy love. But he wasn’t going to use it that night, because he had a date.

That wasn’t an alien concept to Perry, Heinz had been on dates before while he was on the job, it just called for a bit more finesse. The mission took a turn for the more dangerous when Perry learned that the restaurant was owned by his two boys. Once he entered the, ‘Chez Platypus,’ it wasn’t hard to find Heinz and his date. He was on a date with a woman who couldn’t be much older than Perry. She wore a tasteful purple dress and kept her short auburn hair up.

The date was slow going, the two were spending most of their time getting to know each other. Despite that, Heinz was clearly enjoying his date with the woman. Agent Platypus did his best to stay relatively far away from their table as he watched the two of them. While he was assessing the situation he felt a light tug on his brown vest. He turned slightly and looked down to see Phineas smiling up at him.

“There you are, Perry! Nice hat.” Phineas said and Perry quickly took off his O.W.C.A. fedora. Ferb walked up to the two of them and held out a folded up waiter’s uniform, “We’re in a bit of a dinner rush and we could use all the help we can get.” Perry looked down at the two boys and internally cursed himself for his weakness.

Perry sighed and allowed himself to be made a waiter along with the Fireside Girls. He used his temporary occupation to get close to Doofenshmirtz and his date’s table. From what Perry had intercepted she was surprisingly forward with him. Eventually, when he did get close enough to grab the remote from Heinz’s lab coat he was met with an irritated look from Heinz.

Doofenshmirtz’s displeased face melted into a smile when he saw Perry, “Agent Platypus? You are a waiter? What kind of peanuts does Francis pay you?” Perry pulled his hand away from his pocket and held back a roll of his eyes. Heinz looked down at his pocket, “Oh, looking for my remote, are you? Here, take it.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the remote. The stoic agent stared at the remote skeptically, “I don’t need it anymore.” He snatched the remote from Doofenshmirtz as he turned back to his date, “I am in love.”

Perry blinked, holding the Deloveantor in his hands. Looking down at the remote and he quickly exited the restaurant. In love? Perry took the Deloveantor remote and safely destroyed it. Afterward, Perry reported in his mission successful and retired his gloves and fedora for the night. Perry didn’t stick around to see Heinz’s date take a turn for the worse later on in the night.

* * *

Heinz opened the door to his dark apartment. He walked inside and hit a light switch before locking the door behind him.

Loud steps could be heard against the floor as Norm walked to greet Doofenshmirtz, “Welcome back, sir.” Norm said.

“Hey,” Doofenshmirtz said coldly, taking off his lab coat and folding it over his arm.

Norm’s smile flipped into a frown, “Did the inator not go well?”

Heinz bit back the urge to get upset again and took a deep breath, “No, Norm, it functioned properly.” He walked past Norm and threw his lab coat into his bathroom. “And it completely ruined my date with a nice and perfectly evil lady.” Doofenshmirtz said, wiping one of his eyes.

The bulky android’s frown flipped back to a smile, “Well, that is a relief.”

Heinz paused and turned around to face his robot, “H-Hey, Norm, that was really mean.” He said, trying not to be mildly proud.

Norm’s mouth lit up as he spoke, “I just want you to be with Perry.”

Rolling his eyes, Doofenshmirtz pointed up at the big tin can, “I never thought I’d have this moment,” Heinz mumbled to himself before returning his attention to Norm, “I can’t be with Perry just because you like him.” He joked, making himself laugh. He had heard of other divorcees having to say similar things to small children. He was probably the first to say it to a two ton mandroid though.

Norm’s head lifted slightly out of his shoulders so he could tilt it, “But, I thought Perry liked you too.”

Doofenshmirtz stopped laughing and looked up at Norm again, “Okay Norm, milking the joke a little.” He said sternly. Norm’s eyes glowed green for a long moment, “Norm, what are you doing?” Heinz asked, sounding a bit annoyed now.

Norm’s eyes stopped glowing and he looked down at Heinz, “I am asking Vanessa to cite her sources.” Heinz squinted at his mandroid as his glowed green once again, “Ha! L-O-L!”

The realization making him jump, Doofenshmirtz’s eyes widened as Norm turned to walk away. He grabbed Norm’s arm, “Hey, hey, wait a second,” He pulled Norm back and Norm faced him, “Are you _texting_?” The android nodded cheerily, “How?” The two stared at each other for a moment and Norm’s eyes began to glow again.

“Vanessa asked if your royal highness wants it in MLA format.” Norm paused for a moment, “I do not think I was supposed to read the nickname part.”

Doofenshmirtz hopped up to grab Norm’s head, “Wait, Vanessa told you that Perry _likes_ me?” He asked, shaking Norm’s cylindrical head.

“Yes, sir,” Norm said patiently, “you know you aren’t answering the question, sir.” Heinz groaned, “Do you want me to say yes?”

Heinz thought for a moment, “No!” he snapped as Norm’s eyes began to glow, “ask what like means!” He said nervously.

Norm’s eyes lit up blue for a quick second, “‘Like’. To enjoy or get pleasure from something. To regard someone in a favorable way. To feel affection or to enjoy being with someone.” The evil scientist stared at Norm, mouth ajar as he let go of his head. To feel affection for? Heinz held his own hands together and let out a nervous laugh.

“Thanks, Webster.” Doofenshmirtz said trying to relieve some tension inside of him and shook his head. Confusion heating his face as he poked at Norm’s metal chest, “No, ask Vanessa what he meant! And then, read me the text!” Heinz ordered and Norm’s eyes glowed green.

“Yes, sir.” Norm responded and looked down at Doofenshmirtz, “Was she pretty-”

Quickly cutting Norm off Heinz said, “We’re not talking about it.” The friendly android’s eyes lit up and Doofenshmirtz looked at him expectantly.

Norm finally spoke up, “O-M-G Norm you were not supposed to tell him that. Norm that was a secret. Norm why? He like likes him, please don’t tell dad Norm.” He looked down at Heinz, “It sounds like that was a secret. Am I in trouble?” Norm asked, his smile flipping into a frown.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz leaned his shoulder against the nearest wall as his heart skipped a beat, “Like, like?” He said quietly to himself.

Heinz tried to think back, he had known that Perry was homosexual. The two were close enough to talk about their dating lives. Agent Platypus was so stern so when Doofenshmirtz did get to talk to Perry it seemed surreal. He wasn’t terribly different but he was more open. Perry was his best friend, and he didn’t think they had any secrets. Their friendship was pure and a little dangerous, but he was sure that friendships among nemeses weren’t uncommon. Though maybe they were. Heinz looked up at Norm whose eyes were glowing green again.

“What-what are you doing Norm?” Doofenshmirtz asked, still trying to get his head on straight.

When Norm’s eyes stopped glowing he turned his attention to Doofenshmirtz, “Reporting my observations to my big sister.”

Heinz raised an eyebrow at his robot, “And what would they be?”

Goofy smile lighting up, Norm said, “You are scared to like like Perry,” Norm’s head extended out of his shoulders to tilt it, “but you do.”

Doofenshmirtz looked down for a moment, he couldn’t like like Perry. He was his _nemesis_ and yet, he couldn’t help thinking about the possibility of them being together. Doofenshmirtz couldn’t help wanting that. Picnic lunches and holding hands and just being a normal couple, with his arch rival. Heinz glared up at Norm, “Go to your closet!”

“You should come out of yours,” He said making his way to his room.

Heinz blinked and yelled, “I could do _without_ the attitude Norm!”

**_END OF CHAPTER_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow everybody! I am so unbelievably honored by the amount of feedback and kudos I've received! I have the fic mostly finished now so try to expect an update every Thursday! If you'd like to skip the recap please go ahead and find the line "Doofenshmirtz’s displeased face melted into a smile when he saw Perry, “Agent Platypus?..."" Or the horizontal run. You're all so awesome! Seriously thank you for giving my AU ideas a chance. Kisses!


	3. Brick It's Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Doofenshmirtz is love with an evil woman and Perry is trying to figure out his own feelings. How is he supposed to move on when his crush on the evil scientist runs deeper than he thought?

Perry walked down the stairs and into his room, avoiding the Flynn-Fletchers.

_In love._

Of course he was in love. His brown vest and tie were already hanging for him to wear the next day. Running his hands down his face he cursed himself. It wasn’t as though he couldn't have predicted that Heinz’s not totally fruitless dating life would eventually pay off. He just hoped it wouldn’t be while he still had these feelings. 

The teal haired man toed off his shoes and socks. He couldn’t believe that Doofenshmirtz was with her. She wasn’t incredibly interesting for someone who just happened to be evil like him. She probably didn’t know his favorite color, or his shoe size, or even the times he should take his medicine. Unbuttoning the top of his shirt frustratedly, Perry came across a more stubborn button.

She knew next to nothing about him except for the fact that he was evil. Perry let out a quiet snort to release some of the hot tension building in his chest. Giving up on unbuttoning his shirt, Perry grabbed onto his hair frustratedly and quietly hissed at himself. She didn’t know Heinz’s past: that he was forced into the wild to be raised by ocelots, before that he was made to be a garden gnome. This woman, she... she really didn’t need to.

Perry only really knew so much about Heinz because it was his job. As Agent Perry the Platypus he had a responsibility to be close, gain trust, and work hard to stop the evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz from taking over the tri-state area. Agent Platypus’s job wasn’t to enjoy hearing about his day or listening to his laugh. Perry’s thoughts were impractical and for a man who didn’t want him. Perry laid back on his bed, didn’t want to scramble to prepare food after a good battle, or relearn ASL for him or know his favorite song.

A crush. A crush meant romantic attraction that he didn't intend to act upon. It meant a rule that had protected him from heavy heart break. Don't get feelings for a friend. This was the Agent Panda incident all over again. He pulled a pillow over his reddening face. It was unprofessional and unfair to Heinz, but he couldn’t help but be...

* * *

Tapping loudly at his keyboard Perry sat at his office as he updated a few files. His desk in O.W.C.A. was directly across from Agent Eagle’s in their separate office. Normally, they shared it with Agent Rhino but that day he was out in the field. It was a nice, breezy day outside but Perry sat with a dark rain cloud over his head. He had just lost his nemesis to Agent Panda from Seattle. Panda was a _Seattle_ agent, why did he come out here?

Agent E looked at Perry and tilted her head. She sat taller than Perry on a good day but with his slouching she towered over him. She was a very muscular woman with brown hair. The ends of her hair were bleached white. She wore O.W.C.A. issued hearing aids and a brown windbreaker. On her desk she had a photo of her and her quadruplets secured in a wooden frame. She picked up the frame and tapped it against her desk. Perry glowered at her, eyes dark with sadness and a hint of anger. She gave him a friendly, but piteous smile.

She signed, _Come on Perry, what good is moping?_ Perry waved her off with a click of his tongue. She tapped the desk with the frame again, harder now, _Agent Platypus. You and I have been coworkers for years, please trust that the O.W.C.A. is going to have you out in the field again._

The stoic man couldn’t help but smile at her. Pushing himself away from his computer he signed, _You’re right Eva, I know you are._

Agent E frowned and looked Perry up and down, _Then what’s the problem?_

Perry shrugged when he heard heavy feet walking behind him. They stopped at the entrance to his office. Eva’s eyes lowered and she shook her head at Perry. Agent Panda whistled and Perry turned to face the Chinese man. Peter offered Perry and Eva a cheesy smile and walked into the office. He leaned against Perry’s desk and looked down at him smugly. Peter stood at an impressive 6’ 5” so even if Perry had stood up Peter would be a head and shoulders taller than him. Perry being only five feet and six inches. Agent P turned his attention back to his computer and Eva back to hers. Peter whistled again and Perry looked up at him.

Peter smirked and signed, _Did you see it?_

Taking her purse in hand, Eva pressed the power button on her screen and signed, _Leaving for lunch._

Perry watched as his coworker left him in the office with Peter. The teal haired man absently signed, _What?_

Opening up his mouth slowly, Peter couldn’t hold back his self-satisfaction. Perry glanced up at Peter as he clacked his teeth together loudly. Dark fingers retracted from the keyboard abruptly and made his hands into fists, Perry did his best not to give into his urge to hit the other Agent. Peter chuckled and then nodded his head. Perry grimaced, he knew he wasn’t imagining it. When he walked into Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s apartment and saw the _teeth marks_ on his ear. They were _scabbed,_ Heinz _bled_. If Peter hadn’t had it before, he had his attention now. 

Perry looked up at Peter who held up a notepad, **You know for a doctor who had a “great” nemesis he was so _needy_**. A now much less composed Perry grimaced at the words on the page, prepared to agitate him. Glaring up at Peter he clapped loudly. Peter winced and turned down the sensitivity on his hearing aids.

Perry signed, _What do you want?_

Peter shrugged and flipped a page in his notepad. He held it up to Perry, **I just needed some information.** Perry raised an eyebrow at Peter who pointed at Perry and signed, _You’re in love with Dr. D_. Before Perry could protest Peter held up his hand and took a pen off of Perry’s desk. He quickly wrote a note and held it up for Perry to read, **I do this for a living, Agent Platypus**. The smug look was now replaced with a different one. It looked like Peter felt _bad,_ Agent Panda jerked his head towards the door. He then flipped the page and help up another pre-written note, **Wanna get him back?** The words immediately surprised Perry, he looked up at Peter who jotted down another quick note, **Had my fun. U should have urs.**

Perry looked at the tiny hearts Peter had added for good measure on the page. Agent Platypus looked up at Peter, allowing a smirk to creep onto his face.

* * *

Jealous, deafeningly so. Perry snorted and put a hand over his eyes, he was being pathetic.

“Perry?” He could hear light, quick feet making their way downstairs. Scrambling to get his pillow off his face and sit up he waved to Linda as she came into sight. He tried to appear calm besides being fully aware of the hot embarrassment boiling in his cheeks. “I saw you rush down here when you got home and figured you might want some dessert.”

The Australian man looked at the slice of drusselberry pie with still mostly cold ice cream on top and thanked her with a nod.

Linda gave Perry an understanding smile and gestured to the bed, “May I?”

Perry looked at the bed and then up at Linda. Putting his plate down on his bed side table, he patted the bed for her to join him. Linda sat with him on the edge of his bed and crossed her legs comfortably. She frowned and mimicked Perry’s posture earning an airy chuckle from the man.

Putting her hand on Perry’s forearm she spoke up, “What’s bothering you Perry? You know you can tell me.”

Perry smiled and stifled the urge to roll his eyes. She was such a mom. Perry tried to think of what he could tell Linda. It felt like he was being pulled at the seams but maybe Linda could help him there. A woman who got money whenever her song was played on the radio but she still quit that to make a family. If anyone had weighed the options of work versus romance it had to be her. He turned his body slightly so Linda could clearly see his hands.

He wiggled his fingers once before beginning to sign, _There’s a man_ , he began, _from work. I really care about him_.

Linda looked at Perry as he stopped signing, she gave him a caring smile, “So, what’s the problem? Does he work in that lovely office building with you?” Linda asked.

Perry gave her a weak smile. His cover job was that he worked in a cubicle making catalogs and dealing with investors. Linda and Lawrence had brought him lunches to O.W.C.A. during his career there and just assumed that it was a very fancy office. That, along with Perry’s ‘benefits’ check helped explain the good money he was making. Shaking his head slightly he tried to think about what to say to her.

 _Rival company_ , he signed, hoping she would buy it. She blinked a moment and grinned, following it was a gesture for him to continue, _I think I want to date him? But if I did start seeing him and my company found out_ , Perry paused trying to think of something that could compare, _they could blacklist me from the field_. He looked up at Linda to see if he had said it correctly. Linda did appear to be a little more upset so he figured that did the trick.

“I don’t think your job should tell you how to feel, Perry.” Linda said, sounding stern.

Perry nodded and signed, _It’s probably for the best. He has a girlfriend_. He looked up at Linda hoping for a bit of friendly advice. He was greeted with the same stern look and he slumped his shoulders to his ears, _The end?_ He signed with a nervous smile.

Linda smiled at Perry, “You sure?” Perry nodded. Linda too nodded understandingly, “Just looked like you had more to say.” Perry looked down for a moment and then took his dessert off of the nightstand to start eating it. Linda watched as Perry took the first bite of his pie. Perry held a thumbs up to Linda and she grinned, “Well, Perry, I think that sometimes you come off a little bit stoic.” Linda snapped her fingers trying to think of something she could compare it to. She held out her hands and slowly said, “Like a brick wall,” she looked at Perry to see if he was comprehending. Perry playfully glared at her before nodding, “But, the more I’ve gotten to know you I’ve gotten to meet a very compassionate man. Has this man from work gotten to meet the Perry I know? Or does he know the brick wall?”

Perry blinked up at Linda and swallowed the bite of pie he had just scooped into his mouth. The brick wall analogy wasn't very fair. That wasn’t to say it was inaccurate though. When Perry was Agent Platypus he didn’t really allow himself much emotions. He wasn’t drastically different from his away from work self but he was more hyper focused. Perry shrugged his shoulders.

Agent Platypus didn’t even speak to Dr. Doofenshmirtz, didn’t sign, he usually tactfully punched and kicked his way through a mission. So Perry could be, unprofessionally, Perry and Heinz could... Perry smiled to himself, Heinz could just keep being himself. Linda started giggling to herself making Perry look up at her in surprise. Linda put a hand on Perry’s upper back and rubbed it.

She stopped laughing and looked down at Perry, “Our Perry Platts,” Linda shook her head and stood up, “you’ve got it bad.” Perry blinked up at her as she walked back over to the stairs, “You should be honest with yourself Perry. If nothing else, at least you’ll have some closure. Being honest with him might help you too."

Perry watched her as she went up the stairs. He rested his elbows on his legs and let his face fall into his hands. Linda was right, he did have it bad. Perry hissed frustratedly. He would be risking so much by making Heinz uncomfortable with his feelings. Perry analyzed his own thoughts after a moment. For some reason it was not in the cards for him to think of yes. Yes would be more dangerous than no. Perry knew this and he was aware of the consequences it held, yet the thought of his love being requited made him infinitely more happy. The emotions inside of him didn’t feel like they would subside without some kind of closure. Perry smiled at the mostly eaten pie on the plate. Time to tear down some walls he supposed.

**_END OF CHAPTER._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Thursday again! The story is gonna start really picking up soon! The teeth marks are sort of my replacement for the "Panda paw print" that was on Heinz's cheek in the first Peter the Panda episode! Thank you all so much for reading it means so much to me! Hugs and kisses for all!


	4. Preshow Jitters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the day. Both Heinz and Perry are determined to tell the other how they feel. All they need to do is relax, everything will be just fine. Won't it?

Phineas and Ferb woke up early, as per usual. Moving around their room in a sleepy daze, they quickly got dressed and made their way to Perry’s room. Phineas walked down the stairs and quietly yawned with his brother close behind. Phineas made it to the bottom of the stairs, tired eyes still half lidded.

Ferb didn’t show the same amount of tiredness as his brother but he was blinking a bit more than usual trying to wake himself up. Looking up at Perry’s bed, Phineas’ eyes popped open. He elbowed his brother who looked at the bed in surprise as well. The bed was made, completely, and before 8:30. Perry’s pink slippers were lined up nicely and his work outfit was still folded up on the edge of the bed.

Phineas looked at the opened bathroom door, “Where is he?” He turned to Ferb who gave him a small shrug.

Looking over to the washing machines Ferb tapped his brother’s shoulder. Phineas turned and looked over. In the basement Perry had work out equipment set up for him to stay in shape. Nothing terribly abnormal, but Perry usually would use it late at night or midday on his days off. Perry’s equipment consisted of a treadmill and a bench press.

There were a few stray dumbbells but they were mostly for show. Perry held the weighted bar over his chest, exhaling when he pushed it up and inhaling when he pulled it level with his chest. Droplets of sweat rested on Perry’s forehead and arms. He had clearly been at this for a bit. Adding the combined numbers on one side of the bench press, Phineas then doubled it.

Phineas leaned over to his brother and whispered, “220 pounds total.” The green haired boy nodded slowly acknowledging him.

The two stared at Perry for a moment. Pushing the bar up and letting out a low whistle Perry startled both boys. Perry smirked and jerked his head, motioning them to go over to where he was while he continued to bench press. They did so obediently; Phineas and Ferb looked down at Perry and then back at each other.

Rocking on the balls of his feet Phineas spoke up cautiously, “You okay, Perry?” Perry nodded, not suspending his working out when he did so. Phineas nodded and hesitantly continued, “Okay, but when you work out in the morning-”

”-You’re usually upset about something.” Ferb interjected, earning a look from Phineas.

The Australian let out a breathy laugh and put the weights on the bar over his head. He sat up and looked down at them. He pointed his finger to the bathroom and did the sign for brushing teeth. Phineas and Ferb nodded at him, Phineas offering him one last smile before heading over to the bathroom. Perry looked at his work outfit and shrugged his shoulders. He could do this.

* * *

“I can’t do this!” Doofenshmirtz wailed, frantically opening up a box of cereal. His thin fingers picking up a handful of dry Coco Puffs and shoved them into his mouth, “I don’t even know how to start.”

Norm opened up his room door to peek out Heinz, “If you are talking to me does that mean I can leave my room?”

Doofenshmirtz looked at the ceiling frustratedly, “Yes, Norm.” He could hear Norm’s heavy feet stomp against the floor of his apartment. “How am I supposed to let him know how _I_ feel without knowing how I feel!” The evil scientist asked before filling his mouth with more cereal.

Norm’s mouth lit up, “Maybe you should take your medicine, sir.”

Doofenshmirtz looked up at Norm with an annoyed look on his face, “I don’t think I should actually _Norm._ "

Besides he had just taken it a few hours prior. He had spent most of the night brainstorming what he was going to do with the knowledge of Perry liking him. Especially since his own feelings were a bit of an enigma. He did care deeply for Perry and when he thought about it, he had for a long time. Before Dr. Feelbetter and before last night and before the Agent Panda incident.

Now, however Doofenshmirtz had something tangible to hold onto, “How do you tell someone you like them back but the feeling confuses you,” Heinz put his elbow on the counter rested his head in his hand, “but you like it and you want to watch it pan out with them?” Doofenshmirtz looked out into space, a smile lingering on his face.

The seven foot plus android looked down at his father and then around at the room, “Are you talking to me, sir?”

Doofenshmirtz’s head slipped out of his hand as he fell out of his daze, hitting his chin on the counter. Groaning, Heinz rubbed his chin, “I,” Heinz looked up at his mandroid, “I don’t know Norm! Maybe?” He said, sounding a little more on edge.

Norm’s head went through the familiar routine of tilting his head at Doofenshmirtz, his smile flipping into a frown, “Why are you yelling at me?”

Face softening Heinz grimaced at himself, “I’m sorry, Norm. It-It’s just so hard to think straight with all of these...” Waving his hands haphazardly through the air, Heinz tried to express his feelings. Frown flipping back into a smile almost immediately Norm looked at the clock on the microwave and pointed to it. Doofenshmirtz turned to look at it, “12:30, so what?” He asked looking up at Norm.

“Secret Agent Perry the Platypus is going to be kicking in here at 3:00.” Norm said casually.

Heinz blinked, pupils shrinking into pencil dots, “Norm!” He howled running out of the kitchen, “I-I-I don’t have an inator! Or a plan of action!” Tripping over his own feet as he made his way to the front door of his apartment, Heinz looked back at Norm, “You’re in charge! I’m going to run to the store, hopefully they have some evil blueprints lying around.”

* * *

Perry sat on the large couch, he had Thursdays off for tutoring Vanessa so he had nothing to do but wait for his mission to begin. He was holding a book in his hands, it was a literary adaptation of one of his stories. It had recently been renewed for an eighth season and he had too much shame to watch the marathon on TV. Even his book had the sleeve of a detective novel over it. Perry caught himself staring off, instead, at the last cushion on the couch. That was going to be his entrance to the lair today. O.W.C.A. wouldn’t have to change his entrance so often if Lawrence didn’t have such a bad habit of _finding_ them. He never went out looking for them but if there was one he would find it. Perry affectionately referred to it as, ‘Larry sense.’

Staring dully at the couch cushion he couldn’t help but think, what was he going to say to Doofenshmirtz? Perry grumbled irritably to himself. Lawrence walked into the room and saw Perry staring off into space. Smiling, Lawrence walked over to the couch. He tapped Perry on the shoulder, making the stoic man flinch slightly. Perry looked over his shoulder at Lawrence and defensively snapped his book closed.

Laughing, Lawrence began to walk around Perry to the last cushion on the couch, “Come back Perry, earth needs you.” The British man chuckled to himself.

Perry scooted over one cushion and desperately patted the one next to him. Larry sense strikes again he supposed. Lawrence grinned and sat on the couch next to Perry instead of on the last cushion. Lawrence smiled down at Perry and put an arm around him.

“You know, Perry, I was really surprised when Linda said you were having man troubles,” Lawrence said, sounding nostalgic. As though this didn’t happen just last night.

Perry looked up at him and signed, _Why?_

Lawrence scoffed and put a hand on his own chest, “I’m a man! I could have given you advice!” Smiling up at Lawrence, Perry shook his head, “I happen to be a love expert.” Lawrence said with a wiggle of his eyebrows making Perry laugh.

Perry thought for a moment before signing, _What did Linda tell you?_

Mr. Fletcher gave Perry a thoughtful smile, “Well, everything. Rival company, blacklisted, all the trivial stuff,” Lawrence rubbed Perry’s shoulder, “But I don’t think any of that should stop you.” The Agent looked up at Lawrence in surprise, “Perry, when I first met Linda it was because I traveled here during the summer from England, Perry. England!” Lawrence laughed and made eye contact with Perry, “After all those years,” Gently hitting Perry’s shoulder he finished by saying, “I didn’t let an ocean stop me.”

Perry blinked up at Lawrence and let out a breathy laugh and waved his right hand below his chin, _Wow._

Lawrence pushed off the arm of the couch to help himself stand, “All you need to tell him is, ‘I’ve liked you for blank amount of time and I do or don’t want things to be different.’” The British man gave Perry a thumbs up and Perry returned it with a far more nervous looking smile.

Perry leaned back into the couch with an exasperated sigh, Lawrence was a beast. The more that Perry thought about it: this didn’t need to be a complicated confession. It just needed to happen. Perry opened up his book and grimaced. This was the chapter that Rebecca Barclay-Garcia-Roberts tried to get Mark Granger to fall in love with her despite him dating Margie Tremaine- Martinez-Michaels. And everyone knows how badly that turned out for Rebecca Barclay-Garcia-Roberts.

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo Thursday! We're nearing the last like five more or less chapters! Hooray! Lol I hope you all like the edition of the soap opera characters names! The womens' names are based on my name and the name of my beta! Let me know what you wonderful readers thought of this chapter and thanks so so so so much for continuing to read!


	5. This is It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to start the mission. A rough start but a start.

Perry straightened himself out as he fell through the tube to his lair. A quiet _vrm_ and the entrance to his lair was sealed. Expanding his collapsable fedora and putting it on, Perry landed a few feet away from his chair. He made his way over to his red seat with purpose, sitting down as the O.W.C.A. issued supercomputer buzzed to life. Perry sat with flawless posture in his chair as the O.W.C.A. logo flashed on a blue screen while his fedora was being scanned. After a moment Major Monogram’s head and shoulders filled the screen. Perry saluted his superior.

“Ah, yes, good afternoon Agent P,” Major Monogram began as he rustled some papers off screen, “Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks again. Just today he ran to the store to pick up several blueprints for various and unrelated inators.”

Agent Platypus nodded, maybe he was trying to get a variety of inators for his girlfriend to look through. A burst of what felt like liquid nitrogen exploded in his stomach, making his blood run cold. Perry had spent so much time thinking about _Heinz’s_ reaction to his feelings he hadn’t even considered how his _partner in crime_ would take it. Confidence faltering slightly, Perry gave Monogram a clean salute before making his exit.

* * *

Doofenshmirtz kicked at the door, his arms overflowing with blueprints. After a moment Norm opened the door, crouching so he could see who his visitor was. The mandroid moved out of the way when Heinz pushed him and rushed over to his den. Dropping the rolls of blue printing paper on the ground, Heinz began to unroll them.

Doofenshmirtz looked down at the variety of inators and then looked up at Norm, “Okay Norm, I got six blueprints and thirty minutes let’s make it work.”

Norm nodded before asking, “What can I do to help?”

After pulling his tool box over to his workspace he thought for a moment. Heinz walked across the room to grab his tool box and thought for a moment. He swung the heavy box in Norm’s direction, “I have a few premade parts of a, ‘Tell the truth-inator’ hidden behind a painting in the downstairs hallway. If you could grab those...?”

Staring down at Doofenshmirtz for a moment Norm’s mouth lit up as he said, “Why is it downstairs with Mrs. Thomas-”

“I blow up too much and they’re too expensive now go get them, please!” Heinz said, cutting Norm off again. Norm pivoted on one foot and made his way to the door. The evil scientist shook his head, “I swear he’s been so mouthy lately.” He mumbled to himself.

Doing his best to scrape together what he could from old inator bits scattered around his apartment he had managed to come up with a good structure for his machine by the time Norm came back with an already prepared laser and a few other parts. Norm made sure to put them close by for Doofenshmirtz. The seven foot tall robot then began to assist in welding the body of the inator.

Heinz held up two, what appeared to be, large batteries, “I have everything for a Make-Up-Your-Mind-Inator except the destructive energy!” He squinted at one of the large objects in his hand, “Yeah! You see, this is honesty energy!”

Norm lifted an extra large welding mask off of his face, “Sir, if you destroyed them how would you rule them?”

The tall man lowered his eyes at Norm, “You make a good point,” he looked at the device, “maybe if I use this it will actually make people make up their minds!”

Adjusting the two large batteries into their proper places, he gestured to where Norm should weld on them. Once Norm began to do that, Heinz ran over to his toolbox and pulled out some bolts to secure the inator onto the floor. He turned back around to see that Norm’s eyes were glowing green.

With a roll of his eyes Doofenshmirtz yelled at his robot, “Norm!” His eyes continued to glow green for a moment as he finished his text. Norm looked up at Heinz and then continued to weld pieces of the inator together, “Who are you even texting?”

The robot turned his welding tool off again and lifted his mask, “Vanessa, she and I are excited for you to be with Perry.”

Heinz could feel his heart race and his blood rush to his face, “You told Vanessa?” He did his best not to screech, voice cracking slightly. Norm nodded once and Heinz covered his red face with an embarrassed groan, “Remind me to have her delete your number.”

Norm’s eyes lit up green and he turned his head to Doofenshmirtz, “Vanessa wants to know why you have such a pole up your butt.’” The robot tilted his head, “What does that mean?”

After making a loud frustrated noise and pushing back his hair nervously he took a deep breath and looked at Norm, “Ask Vanessa.” He said through his teeth and got his drill.

* * *

Perry pulled his disguised rocket car into a parking spot behind the Evil Incorporated building. As he looked up at the purple building the sun forced him to squint. He could fly his car up to the balcony, he had done it before. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel and took his key out of the ignition. If there was one thing he needed it was time to think about what he wanted to say and the short fly up wasn’t nearly enough time.

After putting his rocket car in park he quickly got out, the door locking behind him. He walked up to the front door and pulled out the teal key that Charlene had made for him. Once he had opened the door and entered the building he made the conscious choice to take the stairs over the elevator.

He pulled open the slightly faded door to the stairwell. The door made a quiet squeak of protest as he opened it. The stoic man walked into the slightly musty stairwell and took note of the thin sheet of dust covering the railing.

Clearly the elevator was the more favorable option for the building’s patrons. Perry walked up the stairs in silence trying to calm himself down and be more calculating. Doofenshmirtz was probably going to give him hell for being late by the time he got up to the penthouse. In spite of that knowledge he continued at his leisurely pace.

Perry shook his head, allowing himself a private smile. He really wanted to do this today and then not have to worry about what might have been later. If that evil woman was there however, Perry would have to think of something else. Maybe write a lengthy text or call over skype? Perry touched the base of his neck, Heinz could actually have a conversation with her. Perry halted his walking at the first of many stair landings. Where did that come from?

Perry hadn’t thought about his voice being an actual hindrance to the world around him in a very long time. Shaking his head so to snap himself out of it he continued walking up the stairs, picking up the pace. He couldn’t produce any sound from himself. The specifics were lost to him from the last time he thought about it. Something about his brain and vocal folds.

All he really knew was that the accident happened when he was a baby, and that he couldn’t speak now. He still had a scars over his left temple and lower neck, but there was hair on his head and the other scar was mostly faded. If Perry were to point it out to people they’d see it but generally people didn’t notice. Perry let out a quiet breath trying to make a long “A” sound.

His being mute didn’t affect the people at O.W.C.A. He smiled, and Heinz always found a way to include Perry in the conversation. After taking a deep breath, he thought of Lawrence’s advice. Hello Dr. D I’ve liked you since the Agent Panda incident and I do want things to be different. Perry rolled his eyes, well now that felt like garbage. Heinz would want something more genuine.

Agent Platypus smirked, if it came out of him Doofenshmirtz would listen. He was good like that. Quiet breaths left his lips as his shoulders bounced pitifully, it was his way of chuckling. He shook his head he did have it bad. Dr. D, you and I have been nemeses for a long time and when two people spend that much time... Perry grimaced. That sounded so much more matter of fact and had little to no feeling in it.

If one thing was for certain he couldn’t make Heinz think that a relationship with him felt logical he need him to know that more than anything Perry wanted a relationship with him. Heinz, doing this is scary and it’s probably dumb but I want to try to start dating you. Perry shook his head. Too needy.

As Perry continued to walk up the stairs he continued coming up with different speeches in his head Perry caught himself hoping that Doofenshmirtz’s evil love was there so he could just write out his feelings instead. Perry stopped on a stair and smiled, writing! He looked up and saw that the door to the fifth floor was on the next landing, Doofenshmirtz lived on the tenth. This could work.

* * *

The Drusselsteinian stepped back and looked at his inator. Norm had already left for his closet and let his squirrel take a midday break. Not that he didn’t appreciate the quiet sometimes, but he should find a better energy source for Norm. Like two alternating squirrels! Heinz looked at his oily hands and groaned.

“Are you serious these were all over my face!” He whined and sulked to his bathroom. He looked at his face and found that his suspicions of having a dirty face were true.

Pulling down his bathroom towel, Doofenshmirtz pumped a few squirts of hand soap onto it. After the brunette washed his hands of the filth. He did his best to make a small part of the old towel nice and sudsy before wiping his down his face. Once Heinz was sure his face was nice and clean turned on the faucet and cupped water into his hands to rinse his face. Heinz looked up at himself in the mirror feeling refreshed.

He pushed up his chin with his fingertips to get a better look at himself. He wondered if Perry found him attractive. Not to self depreciate, but he highly doubted it was his winning personality. Doofenshmirtz blinked, actually maybe he could find out.

He pulled out his phone and typed out a text, **Hey Peter! :D**

After sending the text Heinz thought for a moment, maybe he shouldn’t text his best friend and not-nemesis to find out what made him an interesting one nighter. His phone dinged in his hand making him jump. He opened up the text.

 **What’s up?** Peter had replied fairly soon and another text quickly accompanied it, **You ok?**

Leaning against his bathroom counter Doofenshmirtz sighed, **Im fine just had somethin on my mind. Can i ask u?**

A message popped up on his screen, **Go ahead**

The evil scientist looked at the time, 2:50, he had time to eat some chips or something before Perry got here. **What about me did you find attractive?**

Doofenshmirtz walked in his kitchen and pulled out a small bag of snack chips, **Y?** Peter wrote. 

After Doofenshmirtz opened up his bag of chips he then wrote, **Idk just curious** He picked up a few chips and shoved them in his mouth. That wasn’t technically telling a whole lie. He _was_ curious it just wasn’t nothing. He shoved another handful of chips into his mouth.

When his phone dinged this time he was afraid to look at the message. What if it was pity? What if Peter wrote, ‘you looked lonely.’ Doofenshmirtz wasn’t sure how he would react to that. He unlocked his phone and looked at the message, **You were really nice and super cute tbh,** Heinz blinked. Well, that was certainly not what he expected.

**Im evil not nice.**

Peter immediately responded with **;P**

Heinz looked at the face in disgust, “Winky P? What does that even mean?”

Folding the bag of chips closed he began to think about it, he never considered himself ‘really nice and super cute.’ However, a giddy smile crept onto his face at the idea of Perry thinking that he was cute. Tempted to ask Peter what was cute about him, he decided against it. That question might make it _weird._

Heinz looked over and frowned, maybe to prevent damage to the door Norm just fixed he should crack it open for Perry. A little more pep in his step, Doofenshmirtz walked over to the door and pulled it open. When he did a vaguely Australian fist was swung forward and hit him in the ribs. He wheezed and grabbed his ribs, this was a bad start to the day.

**_END OF CHAPTER_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! I updated early today! Also yes I weaseled in Peter again! Now, I actually have a one-shot written up for Peter and Heinz's night in Seattle. So, if you want to read that leave me a comment letting me know and I'll consider uploading it sooner! Thanks for reading! I love you all so much!


	6. Emotionally Trapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hit to the ribs and the mission starts but what if the inator doesn't do what we think it does?

Perry’s proud smile was immediately replaced with a look of shock. Cupping a hand instinctively over his mouth Perry stood at the door unsure of whether or not to enter. He had hit Heinz at full force, with no warning of any kind. He walked in slowly.

Heinz held his ribs and groaned, “O- _ow_.” The brunette’s eyes were fixated on the floor. Hesitantly, Perry put a hand on Doofenshmirtz’s arm, “What the heck!”

He hissed at Perry. Agent Platypus held his hands up in the air and Heinz groaned in pain again.

"Why did you hit me so _hard_ Agent Platypus? That really _hurt_.”

Perry gave Heinz an apologetic look and gestured to him, he wanted to help but also was unsure how he could. Doofenshmirtz backed away from Perry and shook his head.

“No, bad Agents stand at the door,” Heinz warned and then walked away from the door and Perry.

After walking a few feet away Dr. Doofenshmirtz quickly realized he didn’t prepare a trap for Perry.

“Do... you feel bad for hurting me?” The evil scientist asked, sounding like a disappointed parent.

Offering Heinz a weak smile Perry signed, _Sorry._

Heinz crossed his arms, “Well then, consider yourself emotionally trapped! At the door!” He side stepped towards his machine, “Stay.”

Perry rolled his eyes and stomped one foot and then the other to signify that he was staying where he was. Heinz glared at Perry and looked him up and down.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz put a hand on his inator, “Now Agent Perry the Platypus, behold! The Make-up-your-mind-inator!” Balling his hands into fists theatrically he began his monologue, “You know, when you're waiting to order a pizza and the person in front of you can't decide on a topping?” He awaited for Perry to respond but he didn't so Heinz proceeded to respond for him, “Ohh! I hate that! I hate it! I-I will destroy anyone who-” He stopped himself, “Why do I feel so season one? Anyway I... _decided_ against destroying for actually making them make up their minds.”

Dashing out of his ‘emotional’ trap, Perry lunged at Heinz, the movement allowing him enough leverage to give Heinz an uppercut. Doofenshmirtz attempted to hit Perry in the side but he was easily blocked. He kicked Perry in the ribs making him slide back. The secret agent was surprised that Heinz had decided to hit him at full force.

Heinz pointed at Perry accusingly, “Yeah, yeah! You see that, hit in the ribs! Hurts doesn’t it?”

Perry rolled his eyes and advanced at Doofenshmirtz again. Leading this time with a lighter kick to the stomach that knocked Dr. Doofenshmirtz into the side of the machine. The Australian man’s smile fading for a moment he turned to see no second attacker. Dr. Doofenshmirtz grumbled irritably and pushed himself back up. Heinz held up his fists but was surprised to see Perry distractedly looking around.

“Agent Platypus? Y-You okay?” Doofenshmirtz asked walking over but still making sure to still keep his distance.

Realizing he still had business to attend to, Perry blinked a few times and turned back to Heinz. He wiggled his index finger beginning to sign, _Where is your girlfriend?_

Jaw to dropping slightly at the comment he tried to think back. That was right. He was ‘in love’ yesterday.

“Oh no,” he said, not really realizing it came out of his mouth, “I-I mean, uh, that didn’t work out. We’re not- _definitely not_ dating.” Heinz said immediately cringing at the way he said it.

The corner of Perry’s mouth twitched upward and the evil scientist couldn’t hold back the relief that flooded his expression. That had to be a good smile right? Maybe now would be a good time to... Perry rushed Doofenshmirtz and pushed him away from his inator. He stumbled as Perry made it past him. Quickly, Heinz regained his balance and caught Perry’s arm with both hands.

He pulled him back to where he was. He attempted to run to the back of his inator but with a low, fairly light, spin kick Perry tripped Heinz causing him to grab onto the barrel of the laser. The elbow of his titanium arm hit the metal barrel of the laser directly causing the barrel to make a low dinging sound. Perry was really all business today. Maybe he shouldn’t try to do it today? Perry deserved a better inator and one that Heinz actually knew what it did.

Doofenshmirtz thought for a moment. What if it ended up being nothing of either of the inators? What if it was a disintegrator? What if it didn’t even function and just exploded? He knew how easily everything exploded in his house. Doofenshmirtz reached down and pulled off his large shoe. Closing one eye to get a better shot, he threw it at Perry.

Despite aiming for Perry’s head it ended up hitting his shoulder. Perry blinked and turned to Heinz with a raised eyebrow. Heinz quickly hopped over to Perry and hit him in the face as hard as he could. Albeit, it still wasn’t that hard but it surprised Perry enough to make him stumble away from the inator.

“Ja!” Doofenshmirtz exclaimed pushing the inator slightly so the barrel was pointing more so away from the two.

Better safe than sorry. Platypus snorted frustratedly at Heinz and he offered him a shrug. Doofenshmirtz bent down to grab his black shoe. Perry stepped on the shoe and slid it across the room. He gasped and looked at Perry upsetly.

The brunette put his hands on his hips and then pointed over at his shoe, “That was rude Agent P.” Perry rolled his eyes. Heinz hopped on one foot and pulled off his other shoe, “You’re so _mean_ today.” Doofenshmirtz threw his second shoe and Perry stepped out of its path.

Perry gestured to the shoes in confusion and signed, _Why?_

Biting back the urge to laugh, Heinz’s smirk quickly faded away, “Wait, timeout!” Perry raised an eyebrow at him and he waved both hands at him, “No, I’m being serious.” Doofenshmirtz gave Perry a conflicted look before saying, “Why are you talking to me?” Perry tilted his head slightly, “Not that there’s anything wrong with it! But you usually...” he shifted to a whisper, “don’t.”

Perry lifted his hands as though he was going to say something. Bringing his arms slowly back to his side Agent P dug his hands into his pockets and shrugged. Heinz was more surprised by the action than his speaking to him then. Was this what it looked like when Perry was actually speechless? Doofenshmirtz could feel thick tension weigh down the air.

“Time in!” Heinz blurted out awkwardly and threw his weight forward along with an awkward punch. He was fairly certain Perry could block the punch.

Perry was thankful for the sudden attack and he blocked it with both hands. Perry looked past Heinz at the smooth tile floor behind him and smiled. He pushed against Doofenshmirtz’s shoulders as best and as hard as he could. Heinz fell halfway over and quickly tried to catch his balance as he slid on the floor. After managing to finally stop himself on the floor, he looked down at his socks and shook his head.

He’d totally get him back for the shoes. When Doofenshmirtz looked up at Perry he already had his black gloves put on. When he made a fist the outline of the knuckle armor was visible through the fabric of his glove. Heinz looked at the inator that Perry was ready to destroy with a few well aimed punches. He pulled his fist back as Heinz realized he was standing in front of the laser again.

As Perry’s fist was about to connect with the dashboard Heinz cried out, “Wait, I don’t really know what it-” A thin almost white string of yellow energy shot out of the machine and hit Heinz. This was a bad end to the day. 

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for coming back around and reading the new chapter! I swear I stop teasing you all in chapter 7! I swear! I hope you all liked it and you should leave a comment letting me know! Thank you again for reading! See ya next Thursday


	7. Talk to Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Better late than never to find out what the inator does. Well... maybe not Heinz

“-does!” Doofenshmirtz yelled finishing his thought.

His eyes were shut tightly and he was ducked defensively. He held on tightly to the fabric of his lab coat. So he was still alive, that was a plus. Doofenshmirtz sighed in relief and hugged onto his arms.

He supposed he should have known he wouldn’t have been disintegrated, he’d never messed up the purpose of an inator that badly before. First time for everything though. He sheepishly straightened his posture in front of the inator. He ran a hand through his hair, he didn’t lose anything either. Maybe the inator was just a dud then. When he looked up at Perry he was swinging himself over the inator and quickly making his way over to Doofenshmirtz.

He nervously looked Heinz up and down and signed, _Heinz okay?_

Doofenshmirtz quickly nodded looking down at his nemesis, “Yeah, yeeaah, I’m okay. Thanks.” Heinz felt someone turn on a light switch in his head, “Perry,” he cursed himself suddenly realizing the inator’s effect on him. It really had made him make up his mind, “we need to talk. Right now.” Perry blinked surprised at Doofenshmirtz and lifted his hands to say something, “If there’s any cameras,” he pointed an accusing finger at Perry, “and I know there are, I want them off.”

Perry bit his bottom lip and pushed up the edge of his black glove to access his communicationizer. He turned the face of the communicationizer to a certain angle and then hit the leftmost button on the side. Doofenshmirtz was surprised when he heard multiple fizzles around his apartment. That was a lot of dying camera noises, more than he had expected anyway.

Heinz took a deep breath and nodded. He marched away and over to one of his couches. He looked at Perry whom was still standing where Heinz left him. Perry eventually walked over to where Doofenshmirtz was sitting and fell back onto the cushion next to him. Perry looked up at Heinz expectantly and nodded for him to start talking.

Doofenshmirtz nodded confidently, however when he opened his mouth he immediately covered his face with his hands and started laughing, “This is weird right?” He laughed at himself, “I didn’t even think of what I wanted to say.” He peeked through his fingers at Perry and groaned at his concerned look. “The inator, it made my mind up for me but I don’t- I didn’t prepare anything to say.”

He moved his hands away from his face and grabbed onto the fabric of his pants nervously, “So Norm told me that Vanessa told him that you told her that you had... that you do... When I heard I didn't.... And I was-" He cursed himself for not being able to find the words. Doofenshmirtz glanced at Perry again briefly to see that the color had drained from his face, “I was so... happy?”

He could his face almost immediately heat up in embarrassment. Hot shame spreading to his ears, Heinz spoke up, hoping to take a little bit of worry from Perry, “And confused and really scared.” He laughed at himself again, “I really... I just thought that if I didn’t say anything then you were going to never tell me. Nothing wrong with that!! I don’t think I ever really planned on talking about it either. Maybe a few well thought out rants to a mirror but I don’t think I was going to ever ACTUALLY talk about it.” He had an urge to cover his face again but resisted, grabbing a fist full of his pants fabric.

“I know that I really like you too but I don’t know what to do about our work,” He looked at Perry, “I’m going to keep being evil and I don’t think O.W.C.A.’s best Agent is going to quit. I just feel,” he shook his head, “stuck.”

Perry couldn’t keep a surprised smile off of his face as he looked down at the floor. He put a hand on Heinz’s and tightly squeezed it. He held up his index finger and then reached inside of his vest. He held on tightly to the object in his hands and grimaced. He put it back and quickly took of his communicationizer and threw it across the apartment.

He then turned back to Heinz and pulled out a neatly folded piece of printer paper. He was fairly grateful that today he wasn’t wearing a bug or else he may already be in trouble. He bit his bottom lip again, now starting to fear that it might chap, as he held the paper out to Doofenshmirtz. He shook it once so he would know to take it. Heinz looked at it and awkwardly took it from Perry’s grasp.

Heinz unfolded it to see neat writing in black pen on the paper. His handwriting was well legible but he was almost afraid to look at the words. “Are you sure you want me to read this?”

Perry’s face became slightly more red and he nodded sheepishly signing, _Wrote it for you._

Doofenshmirtz looked down at the letter and began reading it, “Oh.”

> **Hey Heinz,**
> 
> **So... I think it’s pretty clear that there’s some _things_ lingering between us. And believe me, for your sake and mine I’ve really been trying to just ignore them but I can’t. I know that I could probably beat around the bush forever but I can’t keep running from this. Especially not when I see you every day.**
> 
> **I really like you.**
> 
> **And not in a way I can ignore because be-lieve me I’ve tried. When I thought of a crush I thought about it as something you don't really act upon. But you think about it until it subsides? This was different. I understand how hard this relationship would be. I mean, it might have to be totally secret. It probably would end up being that way anyway. That is, unless you renounced evil(it's not really that much paperwork just btw) I know how much that’s gonna suck at first for the both of us but I think I’d really like to make it work, you know? I think I can do it. But I didn’t climb up all those stairs and knock on some stranger’s door for paper to say what I would be comfortable with. The whole reason for writing this stupid thing is to figure out whether or not you would be okay with it.**
> 
> **In the end you saying no will really help me move on. ~~Or a yes will...~~ To be honest I have zero clue what a yes is going to do to us or our lives but I have to hope it’ll be good, right? I don’t want to jeopardize what we have right now Heinz. Our quarter enemies mostly friends relationship that we’ve worked so hard to accomplish. I just want you to, when you’re finished reading this, give me an answer. I think it’s gonna be weird at first but whatever your choice is... I hope you’ll stand by it.**
> 
> **P.**

After reading through the note once Doofenshmirtz held it up to hide his red face, “Why are you so _nice_ to me?”He groaned. Pulling the note away from his face, he looked down at Perry. His nemesis appeared to be studying his black shoes. After another impatient moment Heinz grabbed the bridge of his nose, “What are we gonna do?” He asked, the words pitifully falling from his lips.

Smiling and shaking his head, Perry still hadn’t attempted to make eye contact with Heinz again. Groaning and running his thin fingers through his hair Heinz tried to think of what to do.

“I mean,” the evil scientist began, “yes.”

Perry jolted in his seat and looked up at Heinz, _Yes?_

Nodding once, Heinz inhaled sharply, “Yes, I want to make it work,” pausing for a moment Heinz turned his hand over to give Perry’s a squeeze, “do you..?” Perry looked surprised before his expression changed to an affectionate smile. Posture returning to his normal slouch, Heinz had finally began to relax, “Good! _Great!_ ” fumbling with his hands, Doofenshmirtz piped up again, “so how do you, ya know, do secret boyfriends?” Perry covered his mouth with the hand that wasn't holding Heinz’s to prevent himself from laughing.

Pulling his hand away from Doofenshmirtz’s he signed, _The same way you do regular boyfriends. Just in secret._

Slouching a little more than usual, Heinz piped up, “How do you do regular boyfriends?” Heinz cringed at his own voice cracking. Lifting his hands up to his face and whining loudly, Doofenshmirtz pointed at his inator, “That inator, whatever it does, I hate it.”

Perry laughed, his breath audible as he did. Grabbing onto his side as he wheezed between laughs. _Am I your first ever boyfriend?_

”Don’t-” Doofenshmirtz gripped his knees again, “Don’t ask me anything else when this inator is still affecting me.”

Perry nodded, _Well, you do boyfriends by starting with a date._

Nodding, Heinz looked straight ahead avoiding eye contact, “A date. Got it. I can do a date.”

Perry held his hand out to Heinz, opening and closing it once to make sure he understood what he wanted. Doofenshmirtz took Perry’s hand in his and squeezed it gently. He absentmindedly let his thumb run over his tanned knuckles. He was holding Perry’s hand, no, his _boyfriend’s_ hand. Doofenshmirtz could get used to calling him that.

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! This update was a little bit later in the day but I hope that's fine! My one night in Seattle one-shot titled Caffeine has been uploaded. So i guess that Ow in O.W.C.A. has officially become a series! Hooray! And yes the title of this chapter is named after the song I'm so thankful for you all taking the time to read this! Be sure to leave comments to support the fics and I will see you all with another update on Thursday! Love you!


	8. Define Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heinz and Perry are together now!! So have filler chapter I swear plot will return

After being guided out of Heinz’s deluxe apartment Perry immediately pulled out his phone. His fingers typed furiously as he made his way to the elevator. Oh she was in trouble.

**You told your dad I liked him?**

Stepping in the empty elevator, Perry hit the button for floor one. He tapped his foot against the metal floor of the elevator as the door slowly closed. Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated really needed to invest in some elevator music.

His phone buzzed in his hand, **What? No. I told my bro-bot**

Perry smirked and rubbed his face with one hand, **I am never telling you anything again**

Looking up at the digital floor counter he saw that he was only a few floors away from the lobby. He usually didn’t need to take the long elevator ride down but he was impulsive enough to take the stairs. Knowing what he did now, he could have driven to an office supply store and flown to Heinz’s window in less time than it took to climb all those stairs. He felt his phone buzz in his hand, but he slid it back into his pocket. Once Agent Platypus was in the lobby he briskly made his way out of the building.

He tipped his fedora at one of the security cameras on the way out, force of habit. When he got outside his pocket buzzed once again. He threw his car door open and sat inside. Taking one sharp breath, he pulled his phone out of his pocket to check his messages.

 **You two are together tho right?** Perry scrolled to the next text, **You’re welcome** The text was followed by smiling cat emoji.

Perry locked his phone and held it tightly against his chest. Tomorrow he was going to teach her a cuss and tell her it meant something nice. Like I love your hair or something. Secret Agent Perry the Platypus found himself unable to tame the smile that was creeping onto his face.

He said yes. His nemesis said _yes!_ Unable to keep it in himself any longer, Agent Platypus began to silently giggle to himself. He said yes! Holding up two fists, Perry shook them in victory.

Unlocking his phone again he quickly typed out a message and sent it to Linda and Lawrence, **He said yes :D**

Perry turned his key in the ignition and flew his rocket car out of the parking lot. After all that questioning and waiting and self doubt. Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz told him yes. If yesterday had never happened, he probably never would have told Heinz his feelings and just moved on. Maybe he _should_ thank Vanessa.

No, no he wouldn’t be doing that. Perry pulled his communicationizer out of his pocket, luckily it wasn’t damaged from his throwing it across the room. He spun the face and let it scan his thumb, dividing his attention between the communicationizer and the chimneys he could potentially fly into. After another second his communicationizer read, ‘Mission Successful.’

Still unable to keep his smile at bay, Perry shook his head. More successful than O.W.C.A. would care to know.

* * *

Once Perry had left Heinz leaned his back against the door and slid down it. As of now, he was still there. His knees against his chest, head against the door looking at the ceiling. What. Just. Happened? Doofenshmirtz looked over at his broken inator.

“I hope Perry the Platypus destroyed you good!” He barked across the room at his inator.

Heinz hugged onto his knees. He had literally no idea how to do boyfriends, at all. He had known for a while that he was attracted to guys as well as girls, but he’d never actually pursued a man before. Women just felt like a safer bet. In his experience they were so much less judgemental.

Any time there was a guy he felt somehow more vulnerable. Seattle had been one of the rare exceptions where he found an accepting/willing man. Heinz pushed himself up, with the help of the door. He looked around his empty apartment for a moment. So did secret mean he couldn’t tell _anyone?_

The evil scientist walked over to Norm’s closet door, kicking it so to wake up the squirrel in his big cylindrical chest. Heinz walked from there into his kitchen to make himself something to eat. Maybe he’d just heat up some left overs. Opening up his fridge he pulled out a box of two day old take out.

He opened the box and poured the contents into a bowl that was hopefully microwave safe. After a second he could hear Norm shift in his room to a stand. Once his loud moving stopped, Norm carefully opened his closet door and then closed it. Heinz put his take-out in the microwave and punched 2 minutes in the microwave.

“Good morning, sir.” Norm said in his always loud and cheery voice.

Doofenshmirtz walked up to his mandroid and pointed a thin finger at him, “Don’t you dare take this out of context, got it?”

”Take what out of context, sir?”

Heinz wrapped his long arms around Norm’s body. His long arms couldn't actually fully wrap around Norm, but it was close enough. He squeezed Norm’s hard body as tightly as he could. Letting out a tense sigh he continued to hug the android.

There was a long pause before Norm looked down at Doofenshmirtz, “Exactly what is the context of this, sir?”

Laughing, Heinz whispered, “I did it. We’re dating.”

Smile lighting up green Norm piped up, “I am very happy for you!” He paused a moment, “Does that mean I was your ‘wingman?’”

Doofenshmirtz laughed and shook his head, “Sure Norm.” The pocket of his lab coat rang with a tiny chorus singing Perry! Dr. Doofenshmirtz let go of Norm and gave him a pointed look, “Don’t take it out of context.” Unlocking his phone, he looked at his messages.

**I found nice cafe in an OWCA blind spot. Pls don’t misuse this info**

Heinz blinked down at his phone and carefully typed, **Is that where we’re gonna meet tomorrow?**

**This is my personal cell, you can say date lol** Perry replied almost immediately. **And yes.** Doofenshmirtz swallowed a lump in his throat.

**Right! So can you pick me up around 6 tomorrow?**

Smiling at his own reply Heinz muttered, “Smooth.” under his breath. “Oh!”

Quickly typing, Heinz sent, **How secret is secret because i definitely told Norm**

After he sent the message he locked his phone and put it in his pocket. He walked back into his kitchen to pull his leftovers out of the microwave. Pulling out the hot bowl, Doofenshmirtz quickly put it on the counter. So that bowl is not microwave safe. Good to know. Heinz’s phone rang and he pulled it out.

 **Alright, it’s an official date then.** After another short moment a second text came through, **Im limiting you to one other person.**

Grinning, Heinz pumped his fist through the air, “Yes!” He quickly exited out of his conversation with Perry and opened up a new one.

**Peter guess what!**

* * *

Perry parked his rocket car in the driveway and it sunk into his lair below the house. Taking a deep breath, Perry prepared himself for the barrage of questions waiting for him inside. He stopped before the front porch when his phone vibrated in his pocket. Pulling out his phone and unlocking it, Perry read the text.

**Nice going lady killer ;P**

Perry placed a hand over his mouth and closed his eyes frustratedly. Why did it have to be Peter? Why? So what if Peter was his best friend? He could have told Dr. Diminutive or something! Agent Platypus grimaced as he wrote his reply.

**Pls don’t tell anyone.**

**_END OF CHAPTER_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're so fluffy and adorable!!! Okay so next chapter we prepare for their first date! We're nearing the end of this fic sadly but there is a sequel one-shot coming out! Also later today I'm going to be putting up a stawpoll where I'd like you all to settle something for me!  
> So my beta and I have some really good ideas for a fanfic based on the "Summer Belongs to You." I want you all to vote if you want it or not! The strawpoll is here and on my profile! Make sure to vote!  
> http://www.strawpoll.me/11327649  
> And thank you all so much for reading! Having you all read my work makes me so happy!


	9. A Big Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gotta prepare for the big date!!!

As Perry unlocked the front door and pulled it open he was greeted with Candace’s face mere inches away from his.

“You have a boyfriend?!” Her shouting implied that she was upset but he was unsure why. “After all advice you gave me, you didn’t come to me first?” There it was.

Holding up his hands innocently, Perry looked past the upset teenager. Linda and Lawrence seemed to be enjoying the display, pointing at each other to place blame. The two wore smiles of mutual shamelessness that made Perry believe they were both responsible. Phineas and Ferb came out of the kitchen, each holding a snack in their hands. Looks like Linda had made homemade granola bars.

The boys perked up when they saw him, “Oh there you are Perry. How was work?”

As he lifted his hands to speak Candace whipped around at the boys and barked, “It was great!”

Ferb blinked surprised at his sister's tone but Phineas' smile only grew, “Really? What was so great about it?”

“Frankly, working in an office can only really offers mediocre days.” Ferb chimed in.

Perry slumped his shoulders and signed, _I like my job thank you._ Offering Candace an apologetic shrug, he bent down to the boys’ level, _I asked someone out and they said yes._

Grinning up at Perry, Phineas asked, “What’s his name?”

The secret Agent’s smile faltered for a moment as he thought if what to say. He lifted his hand a pointed two fingers, _H._

The five waited in anticipation for him to continue signing out their names but he stopped at H. At least that was safer than giving away the name of his nemesis to his host family. He figured that guideline was somewhere near the one that said not to date your life long enemy.

“Oh that’s right!” Linda said getting the attention of her three kids, “Perry can’t disclose his name to anyone because dating him is a threat to your job, right?”

Resisting the urge to cringe, Perry signed, _Something like that._ Thankfully, the kids seemed to understand. This white lie seemed to already be saving him a lot of time rerouting conversations.

“Hrm... Okay,” Candace pouted, “so when is your first date?”

Perry hesitated for a moment and signed, _Tomorrow at six._

The redhead nearly tripped over her fallen jaw when she stumbled toward Perry. She grabbed his arm and growled, “Tomorrow at six?!”

Phineas put a hand on his brother’s shoulder, “Ferb, I know what we’re going to do tomorrow!”

* * *

Dr. Doofenshmirtz sat in his car the next morning. Fingers nervously tapping against the steering wheel, he poked his head out the car window to look as Vanessa hugged her mother goodbye for the weekend. She was wearing a black backpack filled with her overnight things and a shopping bag. The black paper bag was wrinkled slightly, whatever Vanessa had bought she had kept it hidden in her room.

When she did eventually make it to her father’s black car, she threw her bags on the floor between her legs and buckled in. The two sat in silence while he put the car in gear. Heinz cautiously backed out of Charlene’s driveway. He offered her a cheesy smile and a wave goodbye.

The punk girl smiled up at her father, “So..?” Doofenshmirtz glanced at Vanessa, unable to keep a smile off his face, “You have to tell me everything.”

“Do I?” He asked, keeping his eyes on the road.

“I am half the reason you two got together!” He stopped at a stop sign and raised an eyebrow at her, “I told Norm.” Heinz continued to drive, not acknowledging that comment. “Start with who asked out who.” She demanded.

“Well,” He began, “Perry asked the question, but I initiated the conversation. We agreed that we would try to make it work.”

“Try?” Vanessa asked, suddenly sounding nervous for him.

Doofenshmirtz nodded, “He’s still an Agent, I’m still an evil scientist and we’re still nemeses.”

Raising a quizzical eyebrow at him she looked at the floor, out the window and then back at him, “How?”

“My we’re talkative today.” Heinz joked and swallowed a lump in his throat.

“You don’t know.

“I don’t.” Doofenshmirtz admitted as they neared Doofenshmirtz’s Evil Incorporated. The two swiftly exited the car and walked up to the building. “I know Perry will make sure it works.” As he unlocked the door and held it opened for Vanessa, she smiled.

“Don’t worry, Norm told me all about your wardrobe tragedy.” She said holding up the shopping bag and waving it at him as she walked in.

He turned his head sharply and piped up defensively, “What do you mean wardrobe tragedy?”

* * *

“I mean how can you have twenty copies of your work outfit and two tuxes! Do you not know what casual means?!” Candace hollered frustratedly, holding up a teal button up shirt. Phineas and Ferb sat on Perry’s bed enjoying the show.

Perry shook his head, a smile plastered on his face. Reaching in his closet, he pulled out a grey hoodie and showed it to Candace.

The teen looked at the hoodie and groaned loudly, “You can’t wear that on a date!” She snapped her fingers, “I’ll call Stacy! We can find you something nice at the mall. Perry smiled as Candace dialed her pink flip phone. He was grateful that the Flynn-Fletchers’ were all so generous and ready to help.

The Australian man turned to the boys sitting on his bed and signed, _You two okay?_ Both boys nodded in unison. Smile growing he signed, _Do you two want to join us at the mall? I’ll buy you a present._

Scrunching up her nose at the thought of what her brothers could have the audacity to pick out for Perry, Candace talked into her phone, “Stacy it’s worse than we thought.”

Perry snorted at her comment and walked over to his body mirror. Well, he liked his work outfit, but maybe it would be nice for a little more variety. O.W.C.A. kind of swallowed up his life once he joined and he hadn’t thought of much that wasn’t related to the agency.

Rubbing his face with one hand, Perry made eye contact with himself in the mirror. He already got through the hard part, now comes the harder parts. One of the harder parts would have be figuring out who he was without Agent Platypus.

“Is that okay with you Perry?” Candace asked, pulling the secret agent out of his thoughts.

Making sure he knew what he was agreeing to, Perry signed, _What?_

With a roll of her indigo eyes she repeated herself slowly, “Can we pick Stacy up on the way to the mall?”

Giving her a thumbs up, Perry pulled his keys out of his dress pants and wiggled them. Phineas and Ferb got up from the bed and quickly raced up the stairs. 

Perry walked over to Candace and signed a stern, _Behave._ Before making his own leisurely way up the stairs. Groaning dramatically, the redhead followed Perry up the stairs.

* * *

Looking at himself in his bathroom mirror, Heinz couldn’t help but play with the collar of his new button up shirt. It wasn’t ugly, in fact he sort of liked it, but he usually didn’t wear button ups. He backed up from his mirror to get a better look at his new black pants. The waist was a little snug but not uncomfortable. Luckily the pant legs were long enough for a size that small.

He would have to tell Vanessa his waistband for future reference. Dr. Doofenshmirtz looked at himself in the mirror one more time, fidgeting with his hair. Opening up his bathroom door, Heinz stopped a few feet away from the door and looked at Vanessa and Norm. The mandroid was sitting crisscross applesauce on the floor and Vanessa was leaning against him.

Vanessa quickly straightened up and smiled at her father, “You look great dad! Perry’s definitely going to be pleasantly surprised tonight!” Norm’s head lifted from his shoulders so he could nod in agreement.

Pulling on the edges of his shirt, Doofenshmirtz made a high pitched conflicted sound, “I-I don’t know. It definitely looks like you got it from that one goth store.” Heinz pulled on his collar, “Are you sure I can’t throw on a lab coat-”

“Absolutely sure.” Norm chimed in his normal cheery voice.

She sliced her hand through the air dramatically, “If you ruin this good outfit with a lab coat, I’ll kill you.”

Heinz took a deep gulp of air. He spun woodenly in front of the two, “And it looks okay? I really don’t want today to come back in a backstory.”

Vanessa gave him two thumbs up for reassurance. Though, her blank expression didn’t offer much. Tugging on the front of his shirt again, he thought for a moment about asking Peter what he thought. However it felt like Peter was becoming a huge part of their relationship and he knew how defensive Perry could get.

Smiling, the evil scientist decided that he had just the white cardigan that he could throw on. This was really going to happen. He was really going to be dating his nemesis.

_**END OF CHAPTER.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! This is the second to last chapter! Ugh, saying that makes my heart hurt!!! 
> 
> There are going to be more fics in the series after this one! Be sure to vote on the strawpoll (link in the last chapter) Also, there's gonna be a one shot coming out two weeks after chapter ten of WAWA (What a Wonderful Animosity) is posted! 
> 
> Thank you again for reading! Be sure to leave your kudos and kind feedback and I'll see you all next Thursday!


	10. One Normal Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two finally embark on their date!!! Yay!

Perry pulled the teal t-shirt over his head and took a brief moment to fix his hair. This was the third outfit he had tried on today. There was a dark purple hoodie that had been tossed aside along with a white button up. The hoodie being “too casual” and the button up being “not casual enough.” Walking out of the dressing room, Perry showed off outfit number three. Candace and Stacy were sitting on a small wooden bench while Phineas and Ferb were both sitting on the floor. The boys each had an extravagant hat upon their heads. Ferb’s was purple with a big red feather, while Phineas had a 40 gallon yellow cowboy hat.

Perry regretted offering them _any_ present they wanted and sincerely hoped that their fashion sense would improve over time. Candace perked up but Stacy put a hand on her knee to keep her calm.

Stacy whirled her finger in the air saying, “Turn.”

The secret agent did as he was told and slowly spun in place once. The teal t-shirt was a V neck that was cut a little deeper than he would normally be comfortable with, but he’d live. He had them coupled with canary colored pants and a black belt. Stacy’s resolve quickly melted away as she let out a high pitched squeal.

“Oh Perry! It's perfect your date!” She clapped excitedly.

Candace joined her best friend in her joyful squeals, “Let's go check out!”

Looking down at the boys, Perry quirked an eyebrow at them. Ferb held a thumbs up and Perry while Phineas tipped his hat. Not the most reassuring, but he supposed it would do. If Heinz asked how he found the outfit he would tell him that he went shopping with guy friends. He couldn't risk Peter finding out that he shopped for a date outfit with his kids. Perry went back into the changing room to get back into his original outfit. Putting the clothes he was going to buy in a pile he reached for the purple hoodie.

“Don't even think about buying that hoodie Perry! Eggplant is definitely _not_ your color.” Stacy yelled from outside the room.

Perry smirked, she was so bossy. Getting dressed quickly, Perry grabbed his date outfit and walked out of the dressing room again.

* * *

Pulling an eggshell cardigan over his shoulders, Heinz turned again to face Norm. Heinz extended his arms out and waved them at Norm.

The android’s smile lit up green, “Spiffy, sir.” Heinz tripped over his own shoe running over to shush him. His hand were both over his mouth. Doofenshmirtz looked over Norm to Vanessa’s room door.

Heinz bent down to where his robot was sitting, “Vanessa will kill me,” he whispered, swiping his hand through the air as she did earlier, “remember?”

Norm looked up at his father, “Are you afraid of your teenage daughter, sir?”

Realizing that his hands weren’t actually going to prevent him from talking, Doofenshmirtz lifted them. Heinz pulled the cardigan off and threw it on the chair behind him, “Do you want the short answer or the long answer?”

“I think I know the short answer, sir.”

“Oh-ho, we are not playing the attitude game right now.” Dr. Doofenshmirtz said through his teeth. Vanessa walked out of her room, “Hi honey!”

Opening and closing her hand, Doofenshmirtz opened his hand up, “Here’s some chapstick and,” she held up a stick of gum, “my last piece of wintergreen gum.” Vanessa looked up at the clock, five thirty. “Are you nervous?” She asked cautiously. Thinking for a moment, Heinz gave her a blank look. “Dad?”

“Honestly?” Doofenshmirtz gave her a weak smile, “I so _am._ Bu-But I’m also really happy that this is happening.”

Unable to keep a grin off of her face, Vanessa smiled and hugged her father, “I’m actually kind of proud of you.” She whispered. Heinz hesitated before hugging her back tightly.

Norm stood up, “We’re both proud of you!” He said and picked up the two in an android bear hug, lifting them both into the air. Vanessa laughed while Doofenshmirtz looked more so uncomfortable as Norm swung them in the air. Heinz’s phone on the table buzzed to life, chiming, _Perry!_

Doofenshmirtz wiggled in Norm’s grasp, “Norm, my phone.” Norm put the two down and Heinz rushed over to his phone. Unlocking his phone, Dr. Doofenshmirtz quickly read the text. “He’s on his way.”

Vanessa blinked and looked up at Norm, “Does he want you to go down or is he coming up.”

“He has a rocket car.” Norm said.

She snapped her fingers and pointed up at Norm, “Right right.”

* * *

Perry pushed back his hair one last time before looking turning back to Stacy, Candace, Phineas, and Ferb. Smirking, he signed, _Be good. I’ll tell you all about it when I get back._ He then held up the sign for love and the five did the same back. Closing the front door behind him the kids waved goodbye.

The green haired boy looked at his brother, “We are following him, right?”

“Oh yeah.” Phineas said and grabbed Ferb by the wrist, pulling him into the backyard. “Did you figure out what cafe?” Ferb held up a thumbs up.

Perry sat in his car and started the ignition. While driving, Perry glanced back at the house until it was out of sight. Face going like a statue, Perry turned the key as far as he could and pushed a button under the accelerator with his foot. The rocket car hummed as the wheels tucked under the car and the ignition clicked once. The wheel felt immediately lighter as the car flew off of the road. This was really the only way drive. He made a sharp upward turn so he could hide over the low hanging clouds. Continuing eastward until he could see the top of Heinz’s building, Perry grinned, he was really doing this.

Pulling up to Heinz’s balcony Perry pulled out his phone and wrote, **I’m here.**

“Dad! He’s here!” Perry heard Vanessa yell.

Cringing, he could hear the sound of Heinz’s squeaking shoes running across the room, “Thank yo-ou!”

“Dad what is that? I said no lab coats!” The secret agent bit his lip to prevent himself from laughing.

“Goodbye honey! I love you.” Perry looked into the den as Heinz rushed in and then towards the balcony. Doofenshmirtz was actually not wearing his black shirt, long pants and labcoat. His hair looked more well kept and his outfit clean. Perry blinked at him a few times in effort not to stare. Doofenshmirtz huffed nervously, “S-Sorry, Perry. Ready?” Pausing after asking, Heinz squinted at the teal haired man. "That is... you right?"

Perry raised a confused eyebrow and nodded slowly. Doofenshmirtz laughed nervously, "Oh thank goodness! I could barely recognize you without your secret agent fedora!"

Standing up in his roofless rocket car, Perry held out both hands to Heinz so to help him in. Doofenshmirtz gave him an awkward smile and grabbed onto Perry’s darker hands. Shakily, Doofenshmirtz lifted his gangly legs into the flying car. He sat down next to Perry, and the secret agent sat down as well.

Looking his new boyfriend up and down, Perry signed, _Am I really that different looking without the fedora?_

"Oh yes. Absolutely. I had no idea it was you at all! I was thinking 'who is this stranger in a rocket car'." Heinz's immediate ranting began. "But-uh-" fidgeting with the edge of his new shirt he mumbled- "I like it. It makes me feel like I'm on a regular date and not..." 

Learning in almost worriedly, Perry attempted to break the tension when he signed, _That’s clearly a cardigan._ Heinz perked up and laughed dramatically in victory. Perry looked into the den again and squinted. Doofenshmirtz looked surprised as Perry pointed inside.

Heinz turned to look inside, “W-What? Is there something-” Smiling mischievously, Perry pecked Doofenshmirtz on the cheek. Slapping a hand against where Perry had just kissed him, he spun to look at his nemesis, face red. “P-Perry!!”

Perry soundlessly laughed and signed, _We are boyfriends now._

Smiling nervously, Heinz repeated, “Boyfriends. Right.” Looking at Perry nervously, “So, we can, like, hold hands right?”

Perry blinked, and nodded. He held his hand out to Heinz, opening and closing it in invitation. Doofenshmirtz took his hand and intertwined their fingers. Perry put his other hand on the wheel and drove the car down the ground. He pushed the button under the accelerator and the ignition clicked twice. The wheels slowly took to their disguised position and the car landed in a parking spot. Perry pointed his thumb at the cafe and grinned.

“Oh, this is the place huh?” Nodding once, Perry put the car in park and let go of Heinz’s hand. The two got out of the car and once they both closed the doors, Perry clicked the lock car button on his remote. Walking over to Doofenshmirtz, Perry took his hand again and walked him inside. The two made it to a table near the window and sat across from each other.

Heinz glanced out the window nervously and then back at Perry, “And you’re sure there aren’t any O.W.C.A. cameras or anything here?” Perry smiled and nodded.

Phineas and Ferb ran down the street across from the cafe and Ferb stopped. “What is it?” Phineas asked and Ferb pointed at Perry inside the cafe, his date was blocked by the window meeting the wall. “Oh!” Perry smiled and signed something the two couldn’t understand from so far away.

“You know, I’m happy for him.” Phineas said and put an arm around his brother’s shoulder. Smiling, Phineas looked up at his stepbrother, “You’re right, Ferb.” He said as though Ferb had said something, “C’mon, let’s let him enjoy his date.” 

_**END OF STORY.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand that's it for WaWA! Thank you all so much for giving my fic a chance it means the world to me! Seriously you guys are so awesome!!
> 
> Lmao we're such a teeeeeeaaaaaaase!!!! 
> 
> However there is a sequel oneshot coming out not next Thursday but the one after that! We'll be taking one to two week breaks in between the publishing of fics in this series but don't worry!  
> If you subscribe to me you'll be able to see exactly when they come out! The next fic is titled Ground Rules! I know you all will like it!

**Author's Note:**

> I figured I'd finally post my take on Human!Perry and Human!O.W.C.A. I actually have the idea for a sort of series of fics but I'd love to hear your feedback so far! :DD


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